When I was asked by a friend for my personal opinion on what it takes to be a good mother and wife, my short response was easily, sacrifice and humility.

And I go on to explain why.

A GOOD MOTHER

Anyone can sacrifice and be humble for a short time, so to be a good mother I think it takes endurance to love and raise and really try your best for years and years to follow.

Parenting is the hardest job because it never ends and it always changes. Even changes in our socio-economical environment can impact aspects of parenting, so parents in the past faced different challenges than parents of today.

Before I became a mom, I wondered if I would be a good mom or be able to parent in the ways I thought were best. It turns out that I actually do not parent in some of the ways I thought I might. I’m not the mother I thought I’d be, but all for the best.

Humility Reminds Us We Don’t Know Everything

We all take our own personalities into mothering our children but the thing all mothers have in common is that (unless there is true mental difficulty) a woman will instinctually feel natural love and protection for her children. The choices that do not come as natural may sometimes feel overwhelming but if you’re an intentional parent like myself, you’ll come to notice, each decision you have to make, will revolve around the basis of your deep love and the responsibility you have of protecting your child. Each mother’s gauge on these decisions though, varies.

To someone else, you may seem strict in the choices you make in parenting, but your way of best loving and protecting your child is going to be different than other mothers. This is because we prioritize differently, which stems from how we were raised. We grew up having too much, too little, or just enough of certain things - and naturally, we aim to want to correct it or replicate it in our child’s lives. I’ve seen this happen in my own lives and of those around me. For example, I watched way too much TV as a child and have severely limited that for my children and another mother may have a completely different experience and so her approach may be much different.

The choices are always there for us to make, regarding religion, schooling, social life, risk vs adventure, the foods we eat, etc, and even without having perfect clarity on each topic, having the humility to ask questions, take advice and to change course when/if needed is key to being a good mother for your children. It might be a surprise the kind of mother you become and if you let yourself, growth and maturation will help you to further grow into an even better mother year after year.

Love and Sacrifice are the only constants

And as for sacrifice we all know the things parents sacrifice, such as their time, their sleep, opportunities, amongst other things. I believe the hardest sacrifice to make is when you have to sacrifice your mindset in order to become a new person for your child or when you have to sacrifice your emotions in order to put theirs first.

You can be any kind of parent that works for your family unit and lifestyle, but if you don’t make those last two sacrifices consistently, and also, have the humility to understand that there might be a better way of doing things then how you’ve already been doing them, then I think that is going to make all the difference in how your child grows and experiences their childhood. Ultimately that’s the mark of a good parent, how well adjusted your child is as an adult. The fruit of your labor.

A GOOD WIFE

I am still early in my learning about being a good wife. Only recently me and my husband have been leaning into more traditional marriage and relationship structure. For us that means that he is the leader of the house and leads more often than I do, but growing up that’s not what I saw in my household, so I can’t say that I have had a good example of the wife I am now growing to be.

Being a good wife is tricky because I think it first takes having the right man that God wants for you. With the right man, he can hold your hand through any hard lessons and changes. I guess humility and sacrifice are pivotal here too.

A Good Wife will have the home taken care of and the children taken care of. The husband will be able to focus on providing for and securing the household.. as well as, loving his wife and children ardently. A good wife doesn’t apply outside ideals and patterns of behavior onto how she wishes her husband and her life should be.. instead she is content and grateful and encouraging. A good wife is sure to respect her husband’s lead and be sure the children do as well so the family unit is not degraded.

Here are some additional ways I try to be a good wife:

Listen and consider your husband’s point of view and take some time to yourself before immediately responding if it’s something you’re disagreeing over
Apologize when necessary
Build confidence in your husband regarding your mothering by making the right choices for the children
See your husband as your teammate and make it a priority to stay on the same page about most things
Show love and joy towards your husband in front of your children

A Good Husband Paves the Path for a Truly Remarkable Wife

In order to truly find a good wife, it’s important a good husband comes first. There’s danger in being a wholeheartedly submissive and ideal wife to a man who is not yet ready to be a “good” husband.

So what makes for a good husband? A Good Husband is a man who is steady and not quick to anger. A man who does not blame but instead problem-solves. A man who can be resolute and also a good listening ear, and many many more characteristics.

A good wife can be made whole and brought to her greatest ideal self when she is joined with the right man as her husband. I believe a mom is supposed to point this out to her daughter in the choosing of a future husband, so that daughters aren’t making the wrong decisions and wasting time trying to be good wives to the wrong kind of man.

In Conclusion

A good wife and mother understands she is a part of a whole and even though it is not easy, God made woman empathetic and thoughtful to best serve those around her. Humility and sacrifice are still my final answers. A woman feeling loved and taken care of, will more gracefully handle the sacrifice and humility it takes to be both a Good Mother and a Good Wife.

Constant sacrifice can wear even the best people down so that’s why I believe tending to your own well-being is the most important part in being able to be the best Mother and Wife. Find what’s important to your well-being and choose a few habits to keep you on track toward cultivating a more restful life. These things will help you to be a better wife and mother.

Resources That Have Helped Me To Be A Better Mother

Books

Nurture

A book that takes you from the beginning of your pregnancy and prepared you to give birth and for your postpartum months. First step to a child that is emotionally balanced is the parent feeling emotionally balanced. This is not easy and can impact both parties from before birth and into the postpartum months. So that’s why I recommend this book to help moms prepare to feel the best.

The Montesorri Toddler

A book to help you organize your time, your home and how you include/icorporate your toddler into your daily life, enhancing their engagement with practical life and improving their skills which improves their confidence as a young capable human.

Hold On To Your Kids

Our relationships with our children is being hijacked from us in the current state of society. Learn how to keep your child under your wing by prioritizing a few simple daily habits to keep your relationship strong with your child. If you don’t have time to read the whole book, you can read the main points here.

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

A book to help you with real life examples on how to address your chid’s emotions without disregarding them.

Social Networks

Jones Heart and Home Intentional Parenting Blog Topics

My Intentional Parenting blogs touch on many topics parents face, and creative ways to confront these common problems head-on with love and intentionality.

@TheMomPsychologist on Instagram

Good profile to get ideas from on how to respond to a child when they might be having big emotions. Most of what she’s shared, I have done or tried and every kid is different but you’ll find what works best for your family.

@RaisingWellKids on Instagram

Good Profile to help me make healthier/non-toxic choices for my child and family.

SuperNanny on Youtube

These episodes helped me to get ideas for dealing with some tougher behavior. Supernanny is compassionate but no-nonsense, she reminds the parents that THEY are in charge. I needed that reminder.

Wait, don’t leave yet! Can you help me out? Leave a comment to let me know what you think!

I’d really love to know if anything I included in this blog was helpful to you. Do you disagree with anything I said?

What have you found makes for a good mother and good wife in your life? Thanks so much for reading!

You can also subscribe to my blog as all the topics I share will always circle around to helping you be a better wife and mother! Let’s start a conversation.